@HomeProbably

Writer. I had a short story published once but now I’m here. Tweets: https://xitter.cf/t.co/kCgwb1u1LC #YNWA

 U.K.
Joined March 2015
  • Tweets25K
  • Following4.5K
  • Followers21.9K
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If you want someone to think about you all day, wave at people you don’t know.
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We are heartbroken as a family to announce the passing of Darren🤍🪽Daz is already so very missed & he will always be remembered for his sense of humour, as well as so many wonderful qualities. Thank you all for keeping him company for all of these years❤️‍🩹
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Daz?@HomeProbablyMay 9
People who say you shouldn’t wish your time away have never needed pain relief.
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In my next life, I just want to be surrounded by fewer stupid people and more mojitos.
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They say revenge is a dish best served up cold, and they say revenge is sweet. So basically, revenge is ice cream.
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But have you tried listening to old italian songs about it
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When I was a kid I met a witch and she told me not to believe in things that don't exist. I said ''you exist'' ,she replied ''Do I?'' and then she puffed into the sky
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People who have an undisturbed sleep every night what’s it like to be hated by everyone?
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Life is too short to surround yourself with chatty morning people.
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Say what you will about the internet, but everyone reads more now than ever. It's almost all shit, but we're reading it.
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If it's a universal remote why do we have seven?
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People who say you shouldn’t wish your time away have never needed pain relief.
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Daz?@HomeProbablyMay 6
One can only assume Ralph Macchio (The Karate Kid) has drunk from the fountain of youth as he was 22 in 1984 when the film was made, which makes him around 600 years old now, but he doesn’t look a day over 50.
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Have you noticed how people who never swear are always the first to get offended?
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No kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say the kid is asleep upstairs, and not to be woken. On your return, ask where your child is.
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Make someone smile. Be the reason someone feels loved and believes in the goodness in others.
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I might not be ready to share my emotions with the world, but I'd had enough of trying to ignore them.
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Suds@stacywawa1Mar 31
How am I going to survive the apocalypse when I can’t break up my day with funny cat videos?
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Suds@stacywawa1Apr 19
Jesus got autocorrected to Jedi and honestly that works too
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Suds@stacywawa1Apr 26
Drunk and high is no way to mow through life
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Nothing sexier than a beautiful mind. The packaging is irrelevant.
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