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My personal brand is ballet flats and a check engine light.

No place smells of lust and wasted dreams like the Panda Express parking lot.

“I want a love like Sid and Nancy.” I think you seriously need to reconsider that but okay.

“I want a love like Kermit and Miss Piggy.” Bro, she beat the shit out of him daily.

I have a lot of friends, but my best friend might be the guy I’m sitting next to that just talked me out of going to Vegas and trying my new roulette strategy.

I have some new pillows in my life that are helping me heal emotionally, so I guess I’m doing alright.

Happy Birthday to the beautiful, intelligent, and hilarious @Gingerhotdish. I love her so much, she is the absolute best. Have the best day ever, C. LOVE YOU.

I overheard my kids talking about how sad I’ve been. Worst feeling ever. Maybe this can be my turning point. Goodnight to the old me.

And so we fled the scene. Your red hair blowing in the wind, my fingers singed with ash.

Don't worry about me. I'm a softie. The redhead behind me, though? Yeah... she'll fuck you up.

I don't care which way the toilet paper faces. I was raised with real problems.

I can see you're upset. Would 50 loose Nerds™ from the bottom of my purse help?

Oh, I'll go. But I'm bending the shit out of your mini blinds on my way out.

Teacher: Your daughter skips instead of walking sometimes. Me: Yes she does it when she's happy. T: Can you get her to stop? M: No.

And here’s one of me. It’s funny how the older I get, the harder it gets to go to the places I’ve been a million times.

Happy Holidays 🎄NewProfilePic

Christmas in the city. 🌲

Clocked in today and took another bronze. 😊