Just had a weird dream where Mug, A&W, & Barqs Root Beer ran a joint Super Bowl ad…
The message was basically: “Drink more root beer - we don’t care whose it is” like one of the “Got Milk” ads the dairy industry put(s?) out.
Gotta tell you guys… it was really beautiful.
I’ve been driving DoorDash to give me runway as I build a “stealth startup”.
Not thrilled about it. It eats a lot of my time for relatively little gain - and I’m not learning a ton from the work itself.
But I’m on a mission that I believe was entrusted to me by God.
Right now, it’s what needs to happen to see that mission through.
Much has been said about various kinds of regulation on this site.
When I was kidnapped & shipped off to a wilderness therapy program in Utah as a teenager, I learned a lot about “external regulation” - where choices were made for me, because I hadn’t proven willing or able to make good ones for myself.
I’ve noticed of the most important regulations are the ones we each put on ourselves. I certainly learned this the hard way.
I didn’t get to choose to sleep in a bed in a house. I was made to slept on a mat & sleeping bag under a tarp I’d pitched.
I didn’t get to choose to play video games. Instead, I was made to read a book about finding meaning in the holocaust.
It took a lot of demonstrated bad choices for me to get forced into such a situation.
Throwing what were basically big tantrums - as a 15-year old, mind you - had often helped me get my way at home. That didn’t really work as well in the middle of a desert, where nobody but program staff & my fellow campers could hear me scream.
I was no longer free to bully or demand or intimidate anyone, just because I was having a bad day. I had to learn how to deal with negative emotions in a healthier way.
Learning ways to reliably get a hold of myself & respond more calmly to difficult situations, instead of exploding in anger or collapsing into sadness has opened a lot of doors for me.
By learning to emotionally regulate my own temper, I became more suited to being an adult in a professional & social environment where the rule is “you’re not allowed to have emotional blow ups at people” - and that’s not to mention, I haven’t had to go to prison for impulsively committing some crime or another.
By setting & following certain standards, expectations, and rules for my own behavior, I can avoid or reduce being “punished” (socially, professionally, or legally) for the harmful or unpleasant things I might otherwise instinctively do.
I do have to take the initiative though - people will (quite reasonably) expect me to do, or at least attempt, all of the above without having to tell me.
The higher the standards I hold myself to, the more freedom and trust people and systems will grant me. My friends will let me borrow their car or join them at a party - because they know that I hold myself to a set of rules that will protect their interests.
Turns out, life is better when people trust me to do what I say & treat them right.
Love you guys. Let’s go kick some ass this week.
Joining twitter is one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I was living with my dad in Fresno some eight years ago. No degree. No job. No hope. Just an autistic loser headed for an early grave.
Then one day I saw a tweet from one of the ReTwit OG’s - forgetting his name - about buying a business with SBA debt & a seller standby note.
I wasn’t even close to being able to attempt such a thing, but I was immediately hooked on the idea.
Diving into this world - even as a spectator - was the push I needed to redouble my efforts learning how to code.
With some help from @StrongpointRich, Moses, @NathanLatka, and a number of others - I landed a back-office job on Wall Street less than four years later.
People point to social media as being harmful for people and society. Sometimes it is.
But don’t forget the good.
Just remembered whose tweet it was that inspired me after he liked this - thank you @laughridge. You changed my life.
I worked at @clickup for about two weeks right after I finished my coding bootcamp in Fresno. Ended with me in tears - at no fault of anyone else there.
I didn’t have the stamina or executive functioning skills I needed to offset my autism & succeed in a high-pressure startup at the time - but there’s one lesson I learned there that stuck with me over the last decade.
They had every new employee read a book called “The Slight Edge” - which basically presents the idea that a 1% daily growth rate can turn “average” into “world class” pretty quickly.
It’s a mindset I try to keep with me. I won’t make a huge stride forward every day - but,
Did I eat something that’s not on my list of preferred comfortable foods?
Did I get myself out on a walk?
Did I text at least one friend to say hi?
Little good habits - built over months or years - have unlocked and will continue to unlock big opportunities for me.
Just gotta improve a little bit every day & life tends to work out okay.
There’s a frustrating feeling of “other people picked this up this naturally” that comes with ~every self-improvement I make on my journey with autism.
Maybe I had to work really hard to stop being a picky eater, to not smell bad, or to let the pretty girl I’m talking to finish her thought before speaking.
And maybe other people didn’t.
But man, being able to sit down & skim a github repo or a zoning & development code for an hour & then remember every little detail for years is pretty neat!
Not sure an alternative “normal-brained” Fritz would have that ability. Seems like many people don’t.
The challenges I face will always be different, and I’m realizing… that’s pretty much okay.
One of the unfortunate things about autism is that the challenges that come with it compound in intensity.
A very weird kid at 12 will sometimes be a shut in at 35. I was definitely on that track.
I’m only here once, though, so I’m still doing the best I can to make life work.
Autism makes going to concerts & sporting events really hard for me. I can enjoy the first hour and a half but then I desperately need to get away from the noise & the people.
I used to feel really awful about this - like it was a personal moral failing.
Life got better when I realized that I am just meeting my needs as they are - and not judging myself for not going all night.
It’s good for me to be able to go to a rock show and it’s good for me to be able to leave. No need to find shame in that.
Temple Grandin - perhaps the most notable people to ever be diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder - came to my hometown of Fresno, CA to speak to agricultural business leaders about her work with cattle some ten years ago.
I didn't expect to attend the talk, and frankly, I didn't even know who she was at the time, but my mom told me to go - and I wasn't doing anything else in my life - so I went.
It was easily one of the most important decisions of my life.
She started by telling her story - all about her famous "hugging machine", the sign-painting business she started out of college, and more. I went in totally disinterested, but within a minute or two, I was hanging on every word. She so clearly "got it".
I don't mean that in the way that a therapist or a psychologist "understands" the symptoms of Autism. Temple had lived them.
And though I sat in a crowd of ~100 people, I felt like she was talking directly to me. I've never felt that way before or since.
She spoke about her struggles with sensory issues, getting weird looks for muttering while you think, or missing social cues to great detriment.
She finished by laying out a case for how people like her - like us - saw the world differently, and how there is value in those differences.
By the time her talk ended, I was crying. Of course I was! I'd never felt so seen - so understood - in my struggles.
If you didn't know, most adults with (what was called) Aspergers are either unemployed or woefully underemployed. I sure was.
I've known my "odds" were terrible since I was 15 at the oldest. I'm basically a high-school dropout, mind you.
But she "made it" - and I realized that I could too.
“Should young adults own a dog” discourse is back on the timeline.
I understand the arguments against and think they’re basically right.
That said?
Wouldn’t give up my girl Frosty for the world.
A lot of the typical autism presentation actually goes over fine in social settings.
But to get to that place of “odd guy with a friend group” - you need to clear a few of the lower bars that will turn ~anyone off from being around you.
Good news is that it can be done!
