@DanAltano

Stand up Comedian. I tell jokes on stage.

 New York
danaltano.com
Joined April 2018
  • Tweets544
  • Following390
  • Followers254
68Media
I just read that a college student has created an app that can tell whether AI wrote an essay. The app will be called NARC.
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This Saturday Dan Altano @DanAltano will be performing! Be sure to get your tickets for 7:30pm or 9:30pm. Come on out for a night filled with great food, drinks, and laughter. robscomedyplayhouse.com/even…
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Here’s something you never hear in an autobiography: "But enough about me."
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Olive Garden: When you're here, you're family. The rest of the week, your kids stay with their mother.
Looking at High School yearbook photos from the 80s has me wondering what the hell were we looking at off into the distance?
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The fact that there’s now a legit Venn diagram of people who think masks make it impossible to breath & those who think 9 minutes of a knee to the neck don’t... That’s probably the easiest way to describe the last year
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This show was so fun to be on. @RUSGUTIN has created a great show!
RUS GUTIN@RUSGUTIN11 Apr 2021
Replying to @Philly_Comedy
@Philly_Comedy & @LastOutMedia's RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE! SPRING BASEBALL FOOD EDITION! w Comic & Host of #DinnersReadyLive, @DanAltano! Showing (R)us & his WIFEY, Dara, how 2 make DAN's recipeS 4 NY vs CHICAGO HOT DOGS! "Run it through the garden" & enjoy! (youtu.be/QvTJJDrYwGg)

RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE - BASEBALL FOOD SEGMENT: NY vs. CHI HOT DOGS! w...

RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE - SEASON 3 - EPISODE 6 - SEASON 3 FINALE!"BAS...

youtube.com
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“Never meet your heroes.” - your heroes
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Dan Altano retweeted
RUS GUTIN@RUSGUTIN7 Apr 2021
THIS FRIDAY @ 9 on ZOOM! @Philly_Comedy & @LastOutMedia's RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE! SPRING BASEBALL FOOD EDITION! w Host of #DinnersReadyLive, @DanAltano! Teaching (R)us & his WIFEY how 2 make DAN's recipeS 4 NY vs. CHICAGO HOT DOGS! Code: (DAN) for $12 TIX: phillycomedyclub.com!
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Why is it that video games let you start over but ex girlfriends don’t?
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Brilliant
Dan Regan@DanRegan_Comedy1 Apr 2021
April Fool's Day is just one big open mic.
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me on April Fools before 2020: “don’t prank me I’m so gullible hehe!” me now: “I’m one prank away from a full on meltdown if you try anything I swear to god I will snap.” #AprilFoolsDay
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My favorite part of every single movie is the overhead shot of a big city so we don’t have to wonder where it takes place.
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Dan Altano retweeted
Sasha@SashaSrbulj30 Mar 2021
We live in the golden age of conspiracy theories, or so they would have you believe. #tuesdayvibe #conspiracy
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My favorite kind of song is when someone explains a house party as if they’re the first ones to throw one.
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Pfizer & Moderna are superior because they give you 2 shots to earn likes on social media.
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You never hear a positive story involving a basement.
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When you're married it helps to know sigh language.
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