Hulu, Comedy Central, truTV, NBC, CBS • I joke a lot. • Mastadon: https://xitter.cf/t.co/UymYo2qVSc • Bluesky: https://xitter.cf/t.co/sRjqLg32ly

New York, NY
Joined December 2008
Grilled cheese is made by burning one side and then nervously undercooking the other.
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Nosferatu dares to ask the question: what if vampires weren’t hot?
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You know what? Feliz Navidad 😂😂😂
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Abbi Crutchfield retweeted
If they delete Tik Tok how will we get Katt Williams as Obi Wan Kenobi?!
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Happy Friday the 13th during the holiday season. Don’t worry; today Jason only murders people wearing ugly Christmas sweaters.
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My favorite homemade Christmas ornament.
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My Shark Tank pitch is a cereal decanter with a slim compartment where you slide in the back panel of the cereal box so your kid can still enjoy breakfast.
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You need to develop atomic habits to be able to read Atomic Habits, and that is just unacceptable to me.
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Cocktail party guy: What do you do? Me: I critique. I’m opinionated. CPG: You…write op-eds? You’re a critic? Me: Not exactly. I make snarky comments on viral posts and get thousands of likes.
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Oh no! Just when I thought we had equality for all. The women let the power go to their heads. #GetAlRokerATallerChair
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Abbi Crutchfield retweeted
Helping in the kitchen this morning. So far I’ve used 467 paper towels.
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today is HER day😭
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Who decided we’re making hearts with our hands without using thumbs now? It’s ageist.
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Abbi Crutchfield retweeted
I know things are looking pretty rough right now, but I'm hoping that this helps :)
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Abbi Crutchfield retweeted
YOOOOO! Just found out my special Half-Blackface is now streaming on Amazon Prime! Enjoy (it's free to you if you have Amazon Prime so please get everyone you know to watch it)
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Maybe you can’t believe history is repeating itself. Well I learned something from Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. The world around me can stay the same, but I can change!
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Also it’s fine to take a day or two offline. Go recharge.
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I’m rested. I’ll get on TikTok and handle it.
I’m not especially interested in fighting for the rest of my life for younger generations to have the rights our grandparents had.
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Abbi Crutchfield retweeted
Watching Uncut Gems to relax
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