Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://xitter.cf/t.co/JN2RmmLu5i | Latest Tweets: https://xitter.cf/t.co/F2vUtf3nx6

New Hampshire, USA
Joined March 2008
Me: [watching football] Wife: [silently reading at the end of the couch for three quarters of the game] Announcer: That was a huge sack! Wife: BAHAHAHA HUGE SACK
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Been on a Skid Row kick lately so figured I’d learn this little gem.
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I’ve never seen Bigfoot but I just saw gas for $3.99/gallon so I think I know what it feels like.
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My wife is now making Turtle Claus.
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
My kid just told me his toast is too crunchy. Please respect our privacy during this trying time
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
Being an adult is simply saying, “After this week, things will slow down!” Over and over until you die.
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The Real Rodney Lacroix retweeted
Talk to text sucks. I’m not googling “sell my kayak” I’m googling “Salma Hayek.”
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This time of year reminds me when I was walking Jax years ago and a car stopped to ask me where all the Salem witch attractions were.  The look on their faces when I told them they were in the wrong state. 
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I’m like THIS CLOSE to breaking out the hat.
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This is the one time of the year I don’t mind looking up frommy phone.
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College open house today. We’re gonna need to make more room in the pen drawer.
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I've had naps that were longer than the tenures of Trump's Press Secretaries.
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Got a new poop-bag holder for the leash and not gonna lie I'm pretty excited for my dog to take a shit later.
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My boss is on vacation next week and just told everyone that I'm in charge while he's gone so GONNA BE A TOUGH WEEK FOR YOU, DENNIS, I SWEAR TO GOD JUST TRY ME
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If you've ever watched anyone try to back a Ford F-150 into a parking spot you know this is a terrible idea.
Real life, baby
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Me [watching the Tesla Roadster flying car debut]: What a ridiculously stupid frigging thing. CyberTruck owners: OMG.
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I wish life had my iPhone's photo "Clean Up" feature where I could just swipe over people I want to make go away.
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Me: They arrested that kid who killed his mom. Wife: I wonder what his motive was. Me: They said she was fostering 84 cats. Wife: Oh.
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Just passed $250,000 in vacation bookings for 2026—with over TWO MONTHS left! My parents were right: I’m good at making people go away. THANK YOU to my clients and everyone helping make RodTrip Adventures a success! DM me. You could be next.
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Up so early that the news on TV right now is a rerun.
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