Please buy my house. It's really nice. rightmove.co.uk/property-for…

Phew! xitter.cf/dpatil/status/10164196…

Start of week 5 in my #newjob and I've got my two screens. Four #spreadsheets at once: it's the only way to fly. #data

Got #Iceland in the office #WorldCup sweepstakes. Pretty pleased with it tbh xitter.cf/grappleshark/status/10…

Just changed jobs for this very reason... #anecdotal #oursurveysays xitter.cf/The_Digital_COO/status…

Day 4 at #newjob: colleagues jokingly suggest putting up a basketball hoop. Is it too soon to mention the giant catapult we made out of rubber bands at my old work? Definitely too soon to bring up fun snaps #office #stationery #explosions

Day 2 at #newjob and I'm bringing in my #data books. Wife flipped through this over breakfast. "What's a vlookup?" "It's the beginning of a beautiful romance."

Just made tomorrow's #lunch, then saw this #machine. Yes I only ever butter two slices of bread (four if I'm being extraordinarily generous) but I could do those so much more satisfyingly. #want xitter.cf/MachinePix/status/1004…

New colleague: "I assume you'll want two screens?" Me: "I'M HOME!" #newjob #data #twoscreens #noregrets

Left my other half at home, scoping out possible #holiday destinations: "Quedlinburg is an impossibly quaint little town, ruled by #women for most of its #history. Quedlinburg was Germany's first capital." On the list. #whoruntheworld #girlpower

Day 1 at new job. This is what's outside the office. #countryside #farm #cows

SO SATISFYING. Yes I pulled over just to take this photo. #cardashboard #literaldashboard #unf

Last day at my current company. Walked to the nearby lake one last time with a cake, a takeaway coffee, and 33% of the swans that usually hang out here. #lastgoodbye #pasturesnew #nextchapter #otherpretentiousphrases

Also how I carry my cats xitter.cf/UberFacts/status/10036…

My current job wasn't very data-tweet friendly, but I'm starting a new one in a week. Hopefully I can get back to spouting graphy statsy nonsense on the regular. #confidentiality #chathamhouse #whathappensatworkstaysatwork #data #graphs #stats #nonsense

Colleague: "I need to go to the Apple shop" Me: "Do you mean the greengrocer?" Colleague: stares Me: laughs like a drain

Asked my colleague for ideas on what my #boss might like for #Christmas. "Why don't you make her a mixtape?" ...Because I'm not 12 and I don't have a crush on her.

Retweeted by a flirty robot! I've arrived! xitter.cf/minqyukim/status/90879…