"What do we do with all the extra sauces?" ... "How does it taste?" genius recycling strategy

At one point I was working for this old rancher bailing hay for a few days. He didn't have hooks so we'd just pick them up by the strings. After the first day I asked, "Do you have gloves I can use?" Him- "Gloves?" Me- "Nevermind"

I just failed a phishing test at my job for the first time ever. When can I start applying for senior discounts

Why can't I remove Mr. Beast from my timeline? It doesn't even say it's an ad or anything

Bro it takes two days to read the alchemist just sit down and read it

175 pennies (one in each pocket) to pay for something that's exactly $1.75 and every time I pull one out I pat my pockets and say "I think I've got another one on me somewhere"

Any water that says, "minerals added for flavor" are minerals meant to dehydrate you and make you want more of that water. Water shouldn't have an ingredients list

Me with snowboarding