Harrison Butker gave a fantastic commencement speech because he asked young graduates to think critically about something too few are ever asked to think about at all—either in college or even on their way out the door—their future spouses and families.  Few things are more important or consequential in a person’s life than marriage and children. I don’t think telling women to pursue professional goals is a “despicable lie.” I have a law degree and loved my job as a public defender. I loved the work itself and the financial independence of being a working woman. But the message generations of young women now receive is crystal clear:  you can and should pursue a career to the exclusion of thinking about, prioritizing, and working towards the goal of marriage, motherhood and the joys of home life that lie outside of careers. We teach our children in all sorts of ways—with school, religion, cultural choices, and simple role modeling. But there is a steep disconnect between those telling young women to be endlessly career driven, to pretend they have the sexual appetites of men, and assure them that child rearing can be an add-on and not a game changer, and not notice when so many young women are unhappy.   Talking to young women (and men!) about what they truly want in life is a radical act of love. That includes career, but if you are being honest it also includes marriage, children, community, and for some, religion. The basic biology of pregnancy and breastfeeding means that women, more than men, need honest counsel about things like choosing career or job tracks that are more family friendly because it is almost always women who exit the workforce to raise their kids. Or about balancing the upside of stay-at-home motherhood with the downside of being financially dependent on someone. Talking about those choices in a thoughtful way is not misogyny—in fact just the opposite. It’s so much more respectful to young women to talk about marriage and children and career all together because for most of us, we have to navigate it all together and it is not easy.  You can disagree with Butker and think he got it wrong, in whole or in part, but let’s hear your words of wisdom for a young woman who wants to be a mom and wife as much as, or more than, a career woman. Do you have anything respectful, thoughtful or loving to say to her? I had my four kids late in life, and if I could change anything I would have started earlier and had more. Butker’s commencement address reminded me to talk to my teens about marriage, family, choosing a spouse, having kids. Lots of eye rolls, but as any parent knows, they hear you. So it is important to talk about the important stuff. And for that Butker should be commended.