They don’t tell you, but one day you’re a Toys R Us kid, and the next day you’re not…

My sister texted the family chat saying she got her settlement money for a car accident she had in June & everyone is invited over for steaks tonite Id go but my Low Fuel light just went on, I get paid tomorrow and the distance between her house and my house isn’t negotiable

If my last name was Talirico i definitely would’ve had a period in the 90s where I went by Talifreako…

DM me for a creepy story that’s true, just can’t put it out there because then I’m glorifying what took place. Seriously.

Still regretting not trying any of that great crack cocaine in the mid 1990s…

This Wednesday feels like a Tuesday in a Halloween costume… 🎃

My first ten min in heaven and I still am undecided if I want to meet Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker first…

Think I’ll get one of those Starsky & Hutch flashing police sirens for my dashboard and pull people over… besides it’s not impersonating a police officer if you’re just having fun with people…

Finding out over the weekend that the rich and entitled prick on my jr high school golf team from 38 years ago is strung out on meth and living under a bridge made me smile. Just have some patience y’all…

‘I don’t know exactly when it happens but that desire, it just leaves you sometime in your late 30s..’ *me, explaining to a guy in his 20s that having surround sound and a hi-fi stereo system just doesn’t really matter after a certain age*

I don’t care if I have to give blood or pawn some shit this afternoon, I’m grilling some steak and also getting some Heinz 57 even tho it’s $10 a bottle now.

So I think the neighbors are swingers man…

I’ve always longed to have the wealth to have a wine cellar but am currently okay with the cabinet above the microwave that holds my box of wine…

Growing up poor meant that there were some Tuesdays where I didn’t eat… Like today

In a parallel universe similar to our own, they’ve figured out the time/space continuum and have actually capitalized on time travel, with top destinations being ‘The Day I Lost My Virginity’ being at the top.

It was the best of times, it was the box of wine every other day of times…

How’s everyone’s mid life crisis going?

It cost alot to be poor these days