Listen

BTW, I define listening as putting someone else’s speaking, thinking, feeling needs first. “I listen, therefore you are.” We are in a real sense lending our hearts and minds to others when we listen. 8/8

Maybe the client hates teddy bears for some unknown reason. Finally, life and its problems are complex and multi-layered. It could take multiple iterations of discovery and growth to work through issues. This might help explain why there’s no simple way to evaluate therapy. 7/n

This can also show where things can go wrong. There’s no teddy bear technique. There’s no single way to earn trust, share knowledge, and inspire positive change. The client may not have understood or appreciated the gesture or technique. 6/n

The teddy bear represents the best a counselor can offer. It can include knowledge about psychological disorders and ways to manage them, generic problem solving skills, techniques from different therapeutic traditions, etc. 5/n

Let me illustrate. Meghan watches her mother finish a phone call. “Mommy, why are you crying?” she asks. “I’m okay,” her mother responds. Meghan leaves the room and returns moments later. “When I’m sad, I hold on to Mr. Brown,” she says, handing a teddy bear to her mother. 4/n

One way a counselor might do that is by offering their best with no strings attached. But there’s no recipe for actually doing it. There’s no guarantee that a particular counselor’s best is what a particular client needs at that moment. 3/n

I think one way counselors help is by earning trust and inspiring the client to think, feel, and practice new skills outside their comfort zone. 1/n

If I haven’t learned anything about my wife’s day, then it probably means I haven’t listened to her. BTW, I used to work with network firewalls, and I’m curious about your listening journey.

“I think, therefore I am.” I listen, therefore you are. We understand and respect, therefore we are. We bring out the best in each other, therefore we thrive.

@ChrisCuilla Thanks for adding me to your list!

If you didn’t learn anything during a meeting or conversation, then you probably weren’t listening.