zozo 🍄

If the Stranger Things writers wrote Lord of the Rings: GANDALF: OK, so we've got to put the smackdown on this Ring thing. It can only be destroyed - GIMLI: Don't worry - I got this. *hits it with an axe and falls* Ow. GANDALF: - in the fires of Mount Doom. BOROMIR: I just don't get it. Why can't we just fire this bad boy up and use it against Sauron? Boom. Headshot. GANDALF: OK, so, think of Sauron like this Atari. *Clears off pedestal and slaps down an Atari and a copy of E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial.* GANDALF: Now, if we destroy this copy of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, we might think it's gone forever. But - ELROND: - but Atari still has the source code. GANDALF: Right. *starts drawing on a transparent whiteboard* - But, if we destroy the source code - LEGOLAS: ... the existing copies could be buried in a landfill, and they'd eventually go bad from corrosion. GANDALF: Exactly. Destroy the source code - ELROND: - destroy Sauron. BOROMIR: Great. So how do we destroy this Source Code Ring? It's not like we can just hop on our skateboards and shred into Mordor. LEGOLAS: Hang on though. If we gave the Ring to someone small enough - GIMLI: - Sauron wouldn't be expecting it - ELROND: - and we could chuck it right into the fire while he's busy trippin' over Minas Tirith. GANDALF: - and then - LEGOLAS: - no more E.T. *finger guns* BOROMOR: It sounds crazy, but it just might work. FRODO: Guys, I'm gay.