spock: hey. when i grow up i’m going to join starfleet. and i’m going to be a science officer. sarek: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

mccoy: i'm not a bad person. if i see weirdos i’m always polite. i never stare at them yet i’m careful not to look away chapel: not with spock mccoy: i said weirdos, not pointy eared homos chapel: mccoy: some, perhaps, may construe that last comment as offensive—

spock: pain is of the mind mccoy: pain is my foot in your ass spock

uhura: scared to face me in the ship talent show? spock: i am second in command of a starship. a talent show does not frighten me uhura: oh good so you’re used to coming in second

mccoy: it’s freezing out, i can’t feel my extremities spock: …what extremities

spock: mccoy disrespected me jim: how did he do that spock: he told me i did a good job jim: spock: jim: you are a library of confusion.

sulu: but the high five is just so stupid scotty: oh yeah? i’ll tell you what’s stupid. you. stupid

spock: i have no cough reflex and excellent bladder control mccoy: it’s true, all the good ones are married

sybok: but how could god… harm my brother, my best friend, and my boyfriend? this is wrong! mccoy: mccoy: just so we’re clear which of us is the best friend and which- jim: for christs sake bones you’re clearly the boyfriend

mccoy: i really think you should talk about reproduction with charlie. you know, the birds and the bees jim: bones there is a difference between reproductive education and discussing s-e-x with c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n scotty: sex cauldron? i thought they closed that place years ago

uhura: spock, another spot on our delegation to the conference just opened up. i think the captain should come with us spock: i love that idea-! uhura: spock: i mean. that is logically sound.

mccoy: jim, i can tell you’ve been having trouble lately. you know if you ever wanna talk, you’ve got an ear jim: thank- mccoy: two big pointy ones. jim: jim: oh so you weren’t offering your own support. you were volunteering spock’s for the purpose of making a joke. mccoy: yeah

amanda: spock understand we love you like a son but even parents have limits

mccoy, holding the door open for spock and making an “after you” gesture: shit before the shovel

p.a.: attention captain kirk, your daughter has been arrested jim: well that’s where saavik is, what about spock? p.a.: we’ve also arrested your older, bitchier, more feminine daughter mccoy: there he is

mccoy: jim listen, if spock and i get into a shuttlecraft together only one of us is gonna come out alive

sarek: good night, spock. always stay as curious as you are. good night, michael. i know you’ll make me proud. good night, sybok. sarek: sarek: i like your sheets.

uhura: oh little pigeon, you’re so cute i’d kiss you if you weren’t swimming with disease

mccoy: i have some problems controlling my anger spock: i had no idea. for you see, i have been in the delta quadrant for the last decade. in a cave. with my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears.

jim: as first officer, spock often serves as my eyes and ears on the ship spock: should the need arise, i also fill in for any other part of the captain’s body