They/He | 24 | I post gay shit | 🔞 nsfw: @nsfw0rm204 🤪 icon : @pesto_rat 💙 header: writers block :(
Joined October 2021
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Sorry it's been a hot minute life has been existing.
If there's any typos im blaming my cracked phone screen.
And if sucks in blaming the facts that it's 3am 🙂↕️
John who wants Simon to text him goodnight.
John who cries late at night because he's selfish and a terrible person.
And Simon who's already asleep.
-FIN-
John who sobs into his pillow hating himself.
Jonn who cries so hard his nose is stuffed and his ears are clogged.
John who cries so hard he almost throws up.
John who wants Simon to hold him while he cries.
John who wants Simon to ask if he's okay.
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Soap who cries alone in his bed. Hating himself.
For complaining about his dad when he knows Simon doesn't have one.
For not being the one Simon goes to when he needs to talk.
For talking over Simon.
For not listening to his boyfriend.
For not being a good partner.
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Soap who lies awake at night.
Thinking about everything.
Hoping he wasn't too much today.
Regretting that one joke that didn't get a laugh.
Looming on that one mistake he made.
Yearning for Simon to compliment him as much as John does to him.
Wondering if he's a good person.
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Soap who wishes he could be better and Ghost who brags about being the best
Soap who worries about every little thing and Ghost who just accepts it.
Soap who nitpicks himself to the bone and Ghost who just shrugs it off.
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Liking someone after having traumatic relationships is so dumb.
Like why does the thought of holding hands feel the same as if I were held at gun point 😭😭
#ghoap ramble 🤪 ((I'm alive))
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Ghost who's touch-adverse and Soap who gives it /so freely./
Ghost who's so afraid of loving someone because everyone leaves eventually.....right?
But then they hold hands during one of their movie nights, both of them nervous.
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I'm alive !!!
Sorry I've been gone I've been ✨depressed✨ and ✨anxious✨
And as always I am ✨projecting✨
Hope you enjoyed :)
His Johnny.
He goes to bed smiling and for once in a long time, doesn't wake up in the middle of the night from a terror. He just sleeps.
He wakes up ready.
Ready to take things one step at a time.
Some of those steps will include Johnny and he's so excited.
-FIN-
He squeezes his hands as tight as they can go and releases, and does the same with his feet.
He goes to the bathroom, brushes his teeth, and puts on his sleep clothes (no mask), and lays down in bed smiling.
Everything with Johnny will be okay, because it's /Johnny/
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This is his closest friend. Who doesn't drain his energy.
Who will sit in silence and wait for Ghost to start speaking...when..he's...ready.
Simon stands in the middle of his room and takes a breath.
He does things one at a time.
Just like his new therapist said to do.
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Thinking about how Soap gave him a side hug and went about his night with the biggest smile on his face and..no expectations.
This is Soap.
This is /Johnny/.
Johnny who let /Simon/ close the gap. Who kept joking around about the movie so that everything felt normal.
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He's spiraling, he knows it. But he can't stop.
Can't stop thinking about how bad of an idea this would be.
Most importantly....he can't stop thinking about how /happy/ it made him.
Can't stop thinking about how after Soap he felt butterflies so intense he almost threw up.
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Why would Soap want Simon whose body isn't perfect. He has scars.
He's not like the pretty girls Soap has talked about dating or /hooking up/ with. Doesn't have their curves, or their pretty hair, or their confidence.
Simon hasn't had a good hook up.... practically ever.
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Soap has seen him break down. Has seen him be weak.
Has seen him /cry./
Soap has talked about having children. Simon can't give him that...he doesn't want that?
So why would Soap choose him?
Why would Johnny want Simon, who has so much trauma that even therapists gave up?
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