This year already told me many things. Lost someone that I love so bad, cried, laughed, loved, learned, failed, but I want to congratulate myself I'm still here survive. I didn't break at all.

Hebat ya, masih bertahan dengan baik hingga hari ini.

Tahun ini sudah akan habis dan segera berlalu. Bersamaan dengan banyak hal yang harus aku relakan dan tinggalkan di belakang. Banyak yang datang dan pergi, tidak lagi diiringi dengan penyesalan, semua kulepas dengan damai dan ikhlas.

I'm stop right here, okay?

God, I leave everything in your hand.

I don't know how it ends soon, but wherever it takes, I'm so happy we met, I'm happy we ride the same story ahead. That's it, that's all.

God, why? Can you take away this feeling and the memories.

Hari ini aku berhenti memberi makan ego, tidak lagi mengekor pada bayangmu, aku berhenti sejenak untuk kembali hidup. Kelak jika semesta menuliskan kita bertemu, setidaknya aku sudah bahagia dan baik-baik saja tanpamu.

God, I never ask you to make everything easy but please this time make me more stronger than before. This is hurt, so hard.

I wish, I could delete this feeling that easy as I deleted the message at WhatsApp

I'm glad I met you but I'm sorry you met me.

Akhirnya yang aku punya ya hanya diriku sendiri.

Aku menyadari bahwa puncak rasa sayang itu bukan memiliki, namun kamu mampu melakukan semuanya dengan ikhlas.

Bodoh sekali.

Now I know how it feels to be ignored—feels not needed. Yeah maybe I deserve it.

and now just another day but with the same shit.

I should accept it I should know it I should understand that I'm nothing now.

I know that I'll be fine—I'll be happy. But there is still a part of me going to have feeling for you, looking for you. Your name, will always be the first one in my mind.

You are here but not your feelings. You are around but not your concern. You always there in my mind in my heart still, forever and more.

2021, kok begini banget?