@wit_haze

Came for the jokes, stayed for the misandry

Joined May 2013
  • Tweets27.6K
  • Following666
  • Followers1K
4.9KMedia
Since everyone dresses like a whore for Halloween I'm just gonna go as my dad's secretary.
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Only in October can you find a skull in your driveway and put it in the neighbor's yard
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You do this in April and people have lots of questions I hope it was their skull, left it the nearest yard with decor ha Somewhere a ring cam has me gingerly placing a skull on the lawn and walking away 💀
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Witch Hazel@wit_haze15 Apr 2017
Is it emasculate or immasculate? I want to be forthcoming in my dating profile.
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Mia Anderson
@Mia_Anderson8Oct 18
This interview had me dying laughing Absolute classic Jimmy Kimmel moment..😍😍
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Witch Hazel@wit_haze18 Oct 2017
Is your mom even goth, bro?
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Fremont Street Exp@FSELVOct 18
Last year’s costumes set the bar. Enter for a shot at up to $5,000, or just come see who steals the show. Plan your Halloween here fremontstreetexperience.com/…
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Here's my oldest friend in the world dressed as a dude for Halloween Looks better than most guys on Twitter
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It's giving Max Sweeney
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на к r@s1x0ne616 Apr 2023
Shiny Toy Guns - Ghost Town youtu.be/xw722dGGvy4 via @YouTube

Shiny Toy Guns - Ghost Town

Music video by Shiny Toy Guns performing Ghost Town. (C) 2008 Unive...

youtube.com
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brynna@gaelickguidetteOct 17
one of iron maiden’s biggest hits is a song about how evil and cowardly colonists were in north america
Putey Pute ⛄️
@putey_puteOct 16
I’ve been into Metal my whole life; seen Pantera, Slayer, Machinehead, Maiden, Korn, Black Sabbath, Kiss and dozens of others. None of them spewed shite about politics. Not one.
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*To my husband used car salesman style* what's it gonna take to get you in a good mood today
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Witch Hazel@wit_haze8 Dec 2025
Boy are you a French rebellion because you are revolting
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Witch Hazel@wit_haze5 Oct 2016
Extensive self-defense training & haunted houses don't mix. I know that now.
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Carrot Top
@RealCarrotTopOct 17
"I’m truly overwhelmed by the outpouring of love, support, prayers, and well wishes I’ve received over the past couple of weeks. Every message, text, and kind thought has meant more to me than you know. While I haven’t been able to respond to everyone individually, please know that I’ve felt your love and appreciate each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being there for me during this time. It truly means the world to me!" 🧡 Carrot Top Returns to the Luxor, Oct 19 at 8pm luxor.mgmresorts.com/book-sh…
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Ernie Bushmiller
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Witch Hazel@wit_haze11 Jun 2017
Brian Regan on fishing & hunting
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Witch Hazel@wit_haze24 Jun 2016
When a kid tried to t.p. us dad took ME to their house. Told the kid's dad "He does it again my daughter will clean your son's clock."
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Witch Hazel@wit_haze13 Feb 2018
Got stuck between two jocks at the gym and almost bro-verdosed
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Witch Hazel@wit_haze29 Oct 2017
*adman snorts fat rail*
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Witch Hazel@wit_haze10 Jul 2016
Be the reason she has to put on a cardigan for the grocery store. Actually don't, you leering mother fuckers.
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cav empty@cavempty_Oct 15
girl on hinge cancelled our date because i work as a bowling alley bartender. here i was thinking that’s a pretty prestigious position. you realize there are only like 2 or 3 bowling alleys in this town?
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