Macaroni Wife

We accidently caught the vmas after the saints game and @endlessjoe is acting like Dwight Eisenhower seeing the Rolling Stones for the 1st time or some shit

So like my son will never have a fuckin car key???

Having a neurodivergent kid is wild is because he very normally just wants to play tag and red light/green light but is also a math genius? But also can’t answer a “why?” question.

Just added “Weenie Spaghetti Festival” to my calendar and I am not fuckin around.

My sweet, precious, amazing, smart 5 year old absolutely sucks ass at hide and seek.

Cannot explain the level of fear paralysis I enter when a man over 60 says he wants to tell me a joke…

All the professionals with children in New Orleans are hard partying, sex freaks and the childless 30 something are in knitting circles and shit.

Forgot all the access to technology differences between us and upcoming generations. I’m stuck on now I’m one of the last adults who can read and write in script.

My 20 year HS reunion is coming up and I sent it my video yearbook vhs to be digitized bc I don’t have a tape player. Turns out I waited 3 weeks and paid $45 for a tv version of Ray as shown on FX.

Ok, so how many white people per year are driving a boat blind drunk? Easy 100,000/year right ?

Some woman just “complemented” me saying “I like your outfit. It looks like it’s from Talbots” and now I have to commit suicide.

I’m just really here for gypsy rose prioritizing getting french tip acrylics and false lashes within 48 hours of being released from prison.

From about 2006 to 2018 i had about 700 drinks when i went out. now it’s about 4 and that’s ok.

Her name was Dolores Cranberry, right?

HOW DID I GET SO MANY GILFS ON MY ALGORITHM?

But are you really a quirky introvert if you constantly make videos for the fucking internet

At what fuckin age do i get to stop to providing three fun facts about myself ?