humour is one of the funniest things in the world

there is no “mortifying ordeal of being known.” We can hardly know ourselves, how can we expect others to do this for us? the “mortifying ordeal” is that, even when we try to make ourselves known, still there can be misunderstanding from those who care and do not care alike. Ah!

What if we 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 got eviscerated 🪦🪦 in the cursed forest 🌲🌲🌲 by the fungal beast 🍄 which guards the realm ? 🙈🙈🙈

WWJD but instead it’s WWYD and it stands for “What Would You Do?” And then if you answer honestly you just do what you would do

[absolute nerd voice:] my scruples!!

Lightly tapping the cover of a book like it’s a touchscreen to see if i have any new notifications

Who is hotter: a guy on tv who has an entire studio carefully curating his image down to the follicles in his skin, or me, someone who brushes their hair and cleans their teeth? Not so easy, is it .

becoming the main guy from Pushing Daisies by baking pies constantly but my forearms are bigger because of rolling out dough so much. They don’t talk about this in the show, but i do.

eggnog kombucha

for sale: breakout novel, tour de force

oh, the alphabet? Like A, B, and so on? Yeah i think I’ve heard of that

got so agitated i was about to start calling someone “buddy” (derogatory )

want what they have 😔

I want to hold his hand

[putting a gentle hand on your shoulder] even Goku had to take heart medicine

my life is exactly like X-Files but instead of aliens the thing I’m looking for is a nice place to sit and watch the clouds float by…. Can such a thing exist ? I believe.

It would make me so happy if i never again heard of sexual things referred to with food terms. Meat? Cream? Juice? Cake?? just call it what it is: Sputum, Sludge, Mulch, Rot. Heh… or is it? Happy halloweeen everyone !

texting the nut guy for nut

5’10” boys VS 5’10” girls