Me: entering Japanese cat café. employee stops me immediately. Employee: One rule. Me: Okay. Employee: Orange cat bites people from France. Me: I’m not French. Employee: Good. I sit down, cats everywhere, peaceful, adorable, therapeutic. then gigantic orange cat jumps onto table, built like retired wrestler. Cat staring at me aggressively. Employee watching nervously from distance. Me: I thought he only hated French people. Employee: He improvises. cat slowly pushes my drink off table while maintaining eye contact. Me: THIS IS TARGETED. small child nearby points at cat. Child: That one evil. Employee: No no, He just passionate. cat suddenly climbs onto my lap, starts purring violently. Me: …wait he likes me? Employee shocked. Employee: Impossible. another worker comes over, then another, entire staff now observing me like chosen prophet. Manager arrives. Manager: He has never trusted customer before. Me: What does that mean. Manager bows slightly. Manager: You must take him. Me: TAKE HIM WHERE. orange cat already asleep on me. Employee quietly bringing adoption papers. Me: I CAME HERE FOR COFFEE.