Weekend before, I fell at home and dislocated my shoulder. Last weekend, I gave myself a second degree burn with hot oil. Any tips on keeping myself alive this weekend?

Spent a solid 30 seconds trying to clean a rock on the computer wallpaper off my screen. Happy Monday.

This Father’s Day, why not find out if he is even your real dad?

I had a cold shower this morning because the internet was down when the smart thermostat was meant to switch on the hot water. Tell “smart” to my shivering ass.

I'm going to use engraving to keep count.

Switched Notion to write in serif because it’s the weekend.

Where do you get your thrills from? You: Bungee jumping, sky diving, snowboarding. Me: The sheer fear that Apple Pay might fail as you exit Old Street station with 400 people behind you.

Time spent in @NotionHQ: • 26% writing • 7% being annoyed at the interface • 67% picking the right emoji for every single page

Hour 6 of Instagram down, scenes from East London: There are kids in Supreme hoodies looking lost, aimlessly wondering the streets. Shoreditch House is closed until further notice. No one is eating avocado toast; what’s the point?

Mezcal. It’s one hell of a drug.

My Trainer: What if Instagram let you see and message people within 100 feet of you. Me: Grindr. You’ve invented Grindr.

When you get introduced over email and they respond “good to e-meet you”. e-canyounot.

Would You Rather: Go on a Tinder date with someone who has...