rudy

Staring at a big bug and trying to read its mind

Hey man I noticed when we were at the museum together that I was reading the placards a lot faster than you. I was having to wait for you to catch up bro. Like I was forgetting what I had read while waiting for you to get to me. You get held back a grade or something bro? Bro…

Misiorowski out here looking like Gracie Bon with that thing

Addicted to NARCAN faking the fent fold outside the police station

Yeah last weekend was pretty crazy, I did NARCAN for the first time

*arguing with the wifey after a night out with the boys* ALRIGHT SO A COP GAVE ME NARCAN, I DIDN’T HAVE A CHOICE

I saw you at the club and you were on your phone.

I’m caffeine sensitive. Don’t drink the stuff. Vis-a-vis I should get to drink beer at work

I’m not *eating chips*. I’m catching up on missed side dishes of the past in the most effective way possible. Baka.

My wife and I have decided to become Catholic and have a child with Down Syndrome

*me doing standup* Who else out here rubbing their legs together and making noise all night to find a mate!? Am I right??? Audience: *Crickets* My manager after the show: Another sold out show with rave reviews! Keep this up and you’ll go far!

Mexican dude singing Ay Guey To The Danger Zone

*Dixie Chicks voice* liminal spaces

Me when I’m up above it: yes. YES. This rocks. This is IT. I LOVE this. Me when I’m down in it: FUCK. This SUCKS. I’m hating this. Shit!