d

Can you cough in my face?

I am tired of Paintin’ Manning can we please bring back “chicken parm you taste so goooooooooooooood.”

Literally none of the UCLA staff knew what to do about homie’s tooth flying out. #MarchMadness

I have way too nice of a butt for it to almost always be plagued by one single random pimple.

Too many people out here on Forensic Files getting hella stabbed with their own knives, this is why I keep mine dull AF.

Happy Valentine’s Day to the man who left his credit card information on my Amazon account. 🥰

Soooo many ugly ass NFL uniforms this year, my lanta.

“The Colonel lived so we could chicken” is a commercial slogan that is currently haunting me, plz do something @kfc.

I’ll be sitting here watching the saddest commercial I’ve ever seen in my life and at the end of it you realize they’re just trying to sell you a fucking Subaru.

This Indiana team is full of fucking dorks.

Someone tell me not to immediately buy everything from the @tacobell x @HollisterCo collab line.

Nearly vomited watching this Bears game!

No longer need to eat actual food because I will now be subsisting only on the fact that someone walked up to me and told me I remind them of Rosamund Pike in GONE GIRL yesterday.

Hey @JackBox I am convinced your monster mozzarella stick is a myth because every time I try to order it with my Monster Munchie Meal they give me an egg roll instead. 🥺🥺🥺🥺

These Steelers uniforms might be the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

My love language is making people food but it often gets confused for my hate language because I’m so bad at cooking.

The orange cream freeze from @tacobell is very good! Thank you, king.

The 2-2 Chicago Bears

Mike Tomlin lookin’ extra snacky in the motherland.

Ohhhh the Oregon coach is hot!!