BREAKING: Updated entry guidelines for the literary prize next year: Video footage of you staring into the distance, forming your thoughts (preferable if you say it out loud when the idea comes). A work log detailing, keystrokes, time between paragraphs, version history, jotters where you wrote ideas. If electronic, story must be submitted with the device used for forensic analysis. A sworn affidavit from at least one other person you discussed the story with prior to writing. Persons you are having intercourse with or who you share blood with do not qualify. An ex who hates you is an exception. If characters are inspired by real persons, photos of said people together with any social media accounts they may have. A log showing your blood pressure and heart rate during writing and editing. A sworn statement signed in your own blood that every word is in fact not AI. At least one legitimate typo per page. A brief explanation of each metaphor and how you came about it. A sworn statement that you posses sufficient fear of god, of AI, and of journalists who may accuse you of AI use.