Googled “what does it mean if I’m craving lox” and the AI overview said I’m either pregnant or Jewish
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You either die a “it hurts when I bend my arm like this” or live long enough to see yourself become “then maybe you shouldn’t bend your arm like that”
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Tryna front a hardcore band so I can hit myself in the face a bunch and everyone thinks it’s cool
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Theme for my 26th birthday: The Most Dangerous Game. The “game” in question? You guessed it—me. Whoever kills me first gets all my assets and my cat. Everyone’s invited. HMU for T&Cs.
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They’re adding insult to injury on me later and they said I’m not allowed to drive myself home after can anyone give me a ride
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One of the great joys of womanhood you don’t really hear about is that every so often you’ll get the opportunity to forget your life as a human person and assume the likeness and mobility of a geriatric slug
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Everyone tag @Taskrabbit below to get them to add a feature to sort by tasker size—trying to hire a really tiny person to climb in my nose and scrub it with a coconut fiber scrub daddy
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