vibesual basic

Men’s restrooms be like

I’d like to publicly kink-shame the committee responsible for naming “tap to pay”, who clearly got off on the idea of confusing old people, as they’d otherwise have called it “hold your card on the nfc sticker and wait for a beep you dumb, dumb sack of bones” or smth

when homie invites you out for trickle down p*ssy you da Bridge to Tearinbitchesup

Ordered a beefeater tonic with a splash of campari, received rail gin with soda water from the gun and no liqueur.

Pissing off my immigrant coworker with the uno reverse like “after this? I go next job. Work, work, work, hahaha”

if zuck uses his improved image to leave his wife for some bimbo I will sign up for his next bjj comp and do something dq-worthy

Opening up a chicken spot called “we got wangz n shiet”

My mom is Czech and my dad was good about making my child support payments so I like to joke that I’m two halves check

Heavy deadlifts could fix me

Stopped tracking macros and started tracking net weight. Calories in calories out became pounds in pounds out. I weigh myself no less than twice a day, I have an eating disorder and I’m the most jacked I’ve ever been #justsigmathings

Having a moment of reflection halfway through my subway footlong like “visualbasic would tap out right around here”

type of shit i’m on

This level of greed is how i already gained 30lbs this year

Nobody else gets vanilla or mixed berry chobani completes

If anything that huberman hit piece makes me want to buy his dick pills even more (naturally I have not read it)