I'd join a sorority too if I could get 30+ people to comment on my Instagram pics saying I'm beautiful

kids today: thank u next, im so fckin grateful for my ex me when i was a kid: THAT YOU WERE ROMEO YOU WERE THROWING PEBBLES AND MY DADDY SAID STAY AWAY FROM JULIET AND I WAS CRYING ON THE STAIRCASE BEGGING YOU PLEASE DONT GO AND I SAID ROMEO TAKE ME SOMEWHERE WE CAN BE ALONE

straight line: ______________________________________ dashed line: ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ the groundbreaking, unfathomably creative people’s “looking back on 2018” instagram stories: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Instagram: *updates* everyone: wow this really sucks Instagram: haha sorry😅my friend had my phone😑 what did he send you😂🧐

social media peaked in 2012 when every single person in the world wished u happy birthday on Facebook even if u had never spoken or interacted with them in any way

ya know when dogs sit outside w their face in the sun and their eyes closed and when you pet them they’re all warm??? that’s how i wanna feel always

asked my uber driver today how long he’s been uber driving and he said “i’ve never started” and then i laughed and then he didn’t laugh so then we rode in silence for 10m, then i sneezed and he said “what’s that sound u just made” and i said “a sneeze” & he said “okay”. 5 stars

how do people get in their car & just drive off??? I need to plug my phone in, text people back, put a song on like it’s a proper mission

when an ad pops up on Instagram about something you were JUST talking about

go ahead & keep your read receipts off I can see you were active on instagram 12 minutes ago jackie