@tdawks

Hacksaw Jim Duggan once pretended to strangle me.

Joined April 2009
  • Tweets19.8K
  • Following347
  • Followers3.1K
1.7KMedia
🎶 It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie 🎶
118
5,445
243
21,539
September.
That Uruk-hai fella or whatever he is from Lord of the Rings saying "Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!" except I've replaced the word "meat" with "jacket potato".

ALT That Uruk-hai fella or whatever he is from Lord of the Rings saying "Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!" except I've replaced the word "meat" with "jacket potato".

2
430
They used to have a transfer window in American football too, but they closed it because of the draft.
3
6
853
NOT MUCH, 'SUP WITH YOU?
A box in a supermarket selling something called a 'sup pump'.

ALT A box in a supermarket selling something called a 'sup pump'.

5
562
Just voted. Turnout low and polling station staffed entirely by bewildered primary school children. Make of that what you will.
39
810
19
5,211
408,323
My Etsy shop's now open with my jewellery collection: intricate casts of real flowers & nature finds & tiny wearable sculptures of British birds handmade by me in recycled silver. LIMITED spaces in my order book-once it's full I'll close my shop again: etsy.com/uk/shop/silverpebbl…
15
147
15
217
52,550
We are @premierleague.
2,753
12,075
4,200
94,331
10,127,713
Things are tough for small businesses at the moment and it’s really tough working out how to reach new customers. I would really appreciate it if you had a look at my gift shop (all original designs!) and gave this a like or RT. Thank you so much, pals. higglebees.etsy.com
3
118
10
93
40,256
It’s out today! ‘Rewild’, by @mountainogre, illustrated by me. For ages 12+, but honestly I think this is a great book for all. We explain how we can help nature to help the planet, the importance of whale poo, beavers and how to encourage biodiversity in your own garden.
The cover of Rewild, with quotes: ‘Rewild is imbued with hope, humour and joy… needs to be read by every school kid, everywhere, and their parents’ LEE SCHOFIELD ‘A must-read for all young people who are interested in the concept of rewilding and nature recovery’ DEREK GOW

ALT The cover of Rewild, with quotes: ‘Rewild is imbued with hope, humour and joy… needs to be read by every school kid, everywhere, and their parents’ LEE SCHOFIELD ‘A must-read for all young people who are interested in the concept of rewilding and nature recovery’ DEREK GOW

Two-page spread from Rewilding with an illustration showing nature in an urban setting.

ALT Two-page spread from Rewilding with an illustration showing nature in an urban setting.

Two-page spread from Rewilding with an illustration showing the fungus characters who interact with and question the author through the book.

ALT Two-page spread from Rewilding with an illustration showing the fungus characters who interact with and question the author through the book.

Two-page spread from Rewilding with an illustration showing the ‘Reader’ character who also questions the author and discusses and learns with the fungus characters.

ALT Two-page spread from Rewilding with an illustration showing the ‘Reader’ character who also questions the author and discusses and learns with the fungus characters.

7
137
5
124
70,732
It's good to have hobbies.
14
744
Tom retweeted
Tom@tdawks23 Dec 2016
🎶OO WAT FAAN IT OS TO RARD IN A ONE HOSE ORPHAN SLARGH🎶
30
690
65
1,019
Tom retweeted
Tom@tdawks21 Dec 2013
I always find Jingle Bells quite upsetting because it reminds me of the time my Uncle Billy tragically lost his willy on the motorway.
38
584
7
593
Tom retweeted
Tom@tdawks17 Apr 2015
🎶 Seven swans a-swimming, Six geese a-laying... 🎶
43
2,595
22
3,283
A literal glow up for my Axolotl! Pre orders for the new lilac/glow in the dark version open now. doodlesbyben.com/shop/axolot…
2
6
4
21
9,315
... if you know what I mean.
A jar of seasoning mix called "Spice up my potato, original style"

ALT A jar of seasoning mix called "Spice up my potato, original style"

1
735
BREAKING NEWS: Police forget the word trousers.
147
2,042
121
41,635
2,537,989
Looks like I picked the wrong week to open my chunky knitwear and casserole emporium.
1
4
852
Looks like I picked the wrong day/week/lifetime to agree to help my friends move house.
A large moving van, full to the brim.

ALT A large moving van, full to the brim.

My face, a frankly unhealthy shade of red.

ALT My face, a frankly unhealthy shade of red.

2
482
🎶 She wore an Itsy bitsy teeny weeny…
Photo of the packaging of M&S Cheesy Mushroom Arancini

ALT Photo of the packaging of M&S Cheesy Mushroom Arancini

50
719
45
5,847
469,267
HITMAN: Who's the target? ME: [slides photo across table] HITMAN: You..want me to kill Shrek? ME: Not Shrek [taps photo] his talkative horse
16
1,004
7
2,883
Load more