Restaurant idea: seafood/barbecue fusion called Barbecuda

Idea: open a horror themed breakfast diner called "Crêpey As Hell"

Witnessed a grown man take a shit in the middle of the street yesterday. Just when you think you've seen it all...

Had a rough day today. On the bright side, it's given me an idea for a new children's book: "Everyone Fucks Up"

Someone asked me what punk rock sounded like. I told them it sounds like the best thing you ever heard.

I think that when two people with baby strollers see each other on the street, they should play a game of chicken

Idea: a bunch of dogs get together and start a satanic metal band called All Dogs Go To Hell

Idea: Get a group of friends, a 12 pack, and go to the library and drunk read.

I guess you could say I drink more than the average bear, but that's only because bears don't drink.

Good dads tell bad jokes

New song by my band released today!!! THE STRANGE TIMES - Potion: youtu.be/Fz_pFhng70Q via @youtube

I love when a customer who barely speaks English tells me I should learn Spanish. This is Estados Unidos!

A gift from last night instagr.am/p/N6WV-Rv8TU/

Only $9 for scrambled eggs! instagr.am/p/M6fhs-P8eO/

Extremely busy at work instagr.am/p/MwAnpqP8as/

Ron Jeremy instagr.am/p/Mi3Opzv8W4/

Tenacious D + Giant Phoenix instagr.am/p/Mi2YbFP8WP/

Jack Black instagr.am/p/Mi2NxSP8WI/

Mets game with my dad instagr.am/p/L87_8bv8ap/