Former zygote. Mastodon @stevevsninjas@ohai.social
Oregon, USA
Joined February 2012
- Tweets31.5K
- Following455
- Followers11.8K
- Likes60.2K
Pinned Tweet
1.Rage Against The Machine
2.Hold A Grudge Against The Machine
3.Get Over The Machine
4.Sincerely Hope The Machine Finds Happiness
Steve vs. Ninjas retweeted
Me: I want a dice.
Clerk: The correct term is 'die'.
Me: I want 2 die.
Clerk: Plural is dice, alone it's die.
Me: I want 2 die alone.
Woke up thinking about this tweet. Who wrote it?
Cop: i told you this land is off limits
Me: oh i thought you said it was all flimits
Cop: wtf are flimits
Me: idk let's go look
Cop: ok
Steve vs. Ninjas retweeted
Giving away a bed frame on FB marketplace- hilarious and a perfect encapsulation of online interactions 😂🤣
Steve vs. Ninjas retweeted
Stephen King: can u pitch my story to yr producer friend?
Sean Connery: yesh
King: don't fuck this up, it's called the sawsank redempsion
Steve vs. Ninjas retweeted
When I find myself in times of trouble
Tinnitus it comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom,
"Eeeeeeeeeeee"
Steve vs. Ninjas retweeted
I just realized it’s called a “quart” because it’s a quarter of a gallon. fuck
Steve vs. Ninjas retweeted
Today I finally told my kids that St Patrick isn't real, and it's been me putting the snakes under their pillows all these years.
Steve vs. Ninjas retweeted
Receptionist: who left a dirty coffee cup in the sink? Mino?
Minotaur: I KNOW THE CONTOURS OF A THOUSAND DANK PASSAGES, YET YOU THINK THE WHEREABOUTS OF MY OWN CUP ELUDE ME?
Receptionist: it says "I'm a-mazed by you"
Minotaur: haha o yea Kristi got me that for our anniversary
Steve vs. Ninjas retweeted
[Funeral]
Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"
Widow: "Please do"
Me *clears throat: "Plethora!"
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."
Steve vs. Ninjas retweeted
dune 2? yeah I'm into dune 2: dune 2 others as you would have them dune 2 you
