stephen 🥯🍣

Dylan Mulvaney we’re putting you back on the beer cans

Glad I listened, now I know who I’m NOT voting for

I’m voting for the party that didn’t celebrate the murder of Charlie Kirk. In fact, I’m taking it a step further. This Tuesday, I’ll be writing in Charlie Kirk’s name for congress AND senate. If you want to keep his legacy alive, you should do the same #writeincharliekirk

Worst part about this isn’t that it might be happening; it’s that if it does happen, LA Knight will have to team with him to take on The Vision

Okay, that halftime show was legendary

Waiting six months for Noah Kahan just for the show to get cancelled last minute somehow doesn’t even crack the top ten most disappointing moments from Citi Field this year

Mets don’t even need to be playing at Citi field for that stadium to disappoint me

Yet another disappointment from Citi Field

Mitch McConnell just called me asking to speak about my car’s extended warranty

Saying “the name is Rob Reiner” to the Starbucks cashier

Is a 55 year listening age gap okay?

Me pitching my script for a peanuts sequel where peppermint Patty convinces her family to finally host for once

Just got promoted from Janitor to Senior Vice president of Marketing all because of a couple tweets I liked making fun of Charlie Kirk

Just got a single mother of three fired from her job cause I overheard her saying Jimmy Kimmel wasn’t that funny to begin with

Sometimes I forget Upstate NY has its perks… 🙏

Can you vote for NYC mayor if you live in Putnam County?

What are some purchases under $1 that will completely change your life?

There’s a chance the Pope was in the crowd for this match