He’s losing in slow motion, which is the personal hell he’s always had coming.

Yeah no, totally. 2020 is the problem, that makes sense.

I’ve finally reached the point of quarantine when it’s time to unsubscribe from Uber promotional emails.

America is a really dangerous place not to be a billionaire.

With any luck this will make only like 59 million people vote for him.

Feels like we’re still in the How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days-era of McConaughey’s advertising career

I always thought Star Wars storm troopers were cliche idiot bad shots until this year

I’d make my kids brush their teeth harder if they weren’t gonna fall out anyway.

Even racist pieces of shit can’t stand listening to Donald Trump read the speeches they wrote for him

Skip intro 2020. FF.

RIP baby names Donald and Karen

Only when extra terrestrials subjugate and enslave all human beings will we finally soften on how horrible this president is.

Every movie handshake fills me with concern

On the plus side, these masks are doing a great job of raising awareness for chronic halitosis.

Listen, I’m just happy nobody writes rock and roll songs on the subject of rock and roll anymore

Ok basketball gods, we all watched the Michael Jordan documentary. You can stop the virus shit now.