Eazy / Sona

writing this to be open and vulnerable and maybe help someone who is going through something similar. tldr: fuck cancer. be kind to each other. please. i hope you win the war you tell no one about. everything will be okay, i promise. the past five months have genuinely been the hardest months i ever had to experience in my life. from dealing/ understanding my mom’s declining health issues, going the nightmare of the day i got SA being replayed in my head, changing my therapist multiple times, my crippling eating disorder resurfacing, specific triggers in my life that keep making their way back, the constant war i have with myself of self harm, being hospitalized myself for my poor health, my recent diagnoses, my dog getting hit and run, people being extremely hurtful about things i’m passionate about, a family member going missing, and 3 very important individuals in my life passing from cancer or in stage 4 within the past month alone. life has been incredibly rough on me is an understatement. life has been tremendously unbearable and i truly do not know how i’m still a capable functioning member of society. i feel weak and cold. i am constantly fighting a battle of being prepared for the next worse encounter that could possibly happen. but you know what i’m still here and that’s what’s important. i’m resilient. i am brave. i am kind. i am enough. i am strong. i am confident. we are important. our challenges help us grow. it’s okay to not have the answers for everything. it is enough to do our best. you are in charge of your own life. if you fall, you will get back up soon stronger than ever. you are loved. i’m currently struggling a lot with my own emotions and life. i often feel numb and confused when new events arise. it’s really scary sometimes when i’m a person who loves to plan ahead. but sometimes life is unpredictable and we have to adapt. for anyone who ever experiences loneliness or helplessness, please know that for what it’s worth you are not alone. i am here for you. i have gone through life feeling like i’m surrounded by so many people and still feeling like i’m alone. i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. i am here for you. you are loved and it does get better. brighter days will come. i promise. and if they don’t, keep waking up the next day and the next and the next until it does happen. a dear friend of mine always told me that “do not hide your wounds, for even flowers bloom within concrete fractures and damaged fragments make up the most intricate mosaics. promise me that you will never conceal your cracks, for i will only ever see them as places in which to fill with love. even rain and sunshine is required for flowers to bloom.” and this will always stick by me. wherever you go, no matter what the weather is, you are your own sunshine. you may not always be the sun, but i promise you are worth the storm and more. i love you guys very much and my heart only continues to grow bigger with all the love i have and all the love i have to give. everything will be okay. i promise.