Shameless Drunk Girl

Happy Mother's Day to all the bitches my age who weren't smart enough to get an abortion.

A few orgasms and whoever this boy is buying me coffee... Cinco starting the right way 👍👍

Also I just shattered my iPhone so ill be crying all day if you need me.

Amen for good friends.

Coming down from Molly and walking to work.... This will be fine.

Sometimes I only know how to be right side up if I twist myself inside out for a little. Ya knowwww?

If your hair is longer than mine, I hate you.

Something about your ugly face makes me feel way too good inside. #thanks

I was supposed to play real world today but I got drunk instead.

Everything goes on Sunday funday. What day is today? Someone send help. And candy! Dark chocolate kitttttkattttt.

It's a "sext your bestfriend" kind of morning.

Just claimed my room to be a hangover hole and relocated to my roommate's bed.... Good thing he's too stoned to make fun of me.

I appreciate nature and all so can someone get the kid from Big Daddy over here. There are some birds outside my window ruining my hangover.

Sometimes I'm all "why aren't we together" and then I remember I peed his bed, broke into his house, hooked up with his friend and so on...

I'd want him to be my soulmate but he hasn't even figured out when to use your and you're so it's not looking good.

My roommate is definitely wondering where all of his chicken nuggets went. They definitely went in my drunk belly. Oops.

Why won't today just go away already? I don't want to be hungover anymore.

How I #sext