ALT Two hooded figures with lamps approach a moonlit, isolated cottage. A woman answers the door. We have come for the child, says the hooded figure So soon? she asks It is time, says the hooded figure. The woman is distraught. We should never have got him a library card! What is done cannot be undone, says the hooded figure We couldn’t see the harm! We just wanted him to enjoy reading! For most, it ends there, says the hooded figure, turning away and walking into the wilderness Oh lord, What have I done! says the woman, the child walks past her and out into the darkness with them. Do not cry mother. I am a writer now.

ALT A man lies on a couch and talks to his psychiatrist. Her: So, if I understand correctly: you've become so obsessed with Wordle that you can only use five-letter words. Him: Quite right, sadly. Her: How long has this been going on? Him: About three weeks. Her: And does it affect your daily life? Him: Makes basic tasks quite tough Her: One answer would be to stop playing. Him: Never! Her: Or, try something with a larger vocabulary: Scrabble, crosswords? Him: Smart! Enjoy other games, learn extra words... heard worse ideas. Her: Come back and see me in two weeks. Him (leaving): Great. Adieu!