Getting ready for a soccer game. "I CAN'T FIND MY SPORT BRA!" #BecauseYouDon'tHaveOne #or boobs #7YearsOld

Eating a frozen chicken nugget. "This is the life." #evidentlythebarislow

Please clean all of those books off your desk. "NO! I'm nocturnal." #objection #irrelevant

I saw you throw your sock on the roof. "You can't prove it."

"I can't stand ONE MORE NIGHT without burritos!"

Vacation day @BookShopWPortal

What did you learn in Italian today? "Nothing." I think you mean niente. "You know perfectly well I don't speak Italian." #after5years

"Dad, what would happen if I farted into a cat's face?" #science

"How are babies made?" "But how do the seed and the egg get together?" "WHAT. Did you guys do that?"

"Why are you always mad after a play date? Your smile goes away and you want to have a TALK with me." #truestory

"I think I need glasses. I have a wandering eye... what's a wandering eye?"

Still processing. Dear Hillary, good job trying to be the president! From Scarlett and Jack too @HillaryClinton

"I'm gonna have babies and babies and babies, until I get a boy."

"Elves and aliens are basically the same thing."

You need to get ready for camp. "Don't be so dramatic, mom."

"You guys have 10 minutes to decide if I get to sleep in the front yard or the backyard tonight."

"I'm pretty satisfied with myself."