You can tell my election stress is high when I'm eagerly awaiting the results of my school district's *student vote* so I can use it as some bellwether of political support.

"Ah, time to relax with some Chinese food and not think about the election for a while-"

Waiting for the "Espresso" parody called "It's a Me Mario."

When you write a Connections puzzle for your team and then see that puzzle in a match one week later. @ConnectionsOQL

Tired: Racist dog whistle. Wired: Racist dog gristle.

Some data collection from my geometry grading. (All were marked correct, I'm not heartless)

My theater-kid 12 year old reading the Declaration of Independence in history class today:

My prediction: Trump will win only the states that start with T, R, U, M, or P. abcnews.go.com/Politics/2024… via @ABC

Funnily enough, enjoying limited pot might be on the ballot in Omaha this year.

I wish Lloyd Bentsen was around to tell Robert F Kennedy Jr "You're no Jack Kennedy."

They even saved Beyoncé a chair and everything.

"The special DNC guest should be here any minute..."

So a rabbi, a priest, and no Beyonce walk onto a DNC stage...

Did the DNC hire my bar mitzvah DJ?

He should have left it nameless. Then it would be a feminine gnome, anon.

In my very first class of the school year, I pulled out the stack of papers I printed for an activity only to realize it was a stack of completely blank paper. Good start.

Wife: Hey, all the husbands are going to wear the same shirt next week at the wedding. Is this shirt all right with you? Me: ...I think you just ruined a practical joke. Wife: ....................damnit.

I bet most people get into welding just to make ends meet.

One of the few times random strangers talk to me is when I'm wearing my introvert T-shirt, which feels...counterintuitive?