Sounds like my perfect holiday destination.

Sorry, the dead don't read your Facebook tributes to them. God is too tight to get WiFi installed.

To be fair to him, Jesus has prevented loads of War of the Worlds scenarios over the centuries.

Just remember this when you're singing your hymns to him.

And everyone who said Bill Oddie is going to hell.

Jesus loves you.

Can you guess which way he's gone yet? #rolfharris

It's where we put the trophy hunters.

Suck it up, losers.

Haha uhhh no. Santa's got nothing for you this year.

I will keep you safe.

After a year of sanitising your shopping trolley handle you suddenly realise that, as well as avoiding Covid, you've also not had a cold this whole time. It's amazing what you can achieve when you stop being a filthy bastard.

Go on. Dooooooo it. Write 'F' on that Facebook post. You'll go to hell but it'll be so much fun.

A roaring success.

Your no explanation Facebook posts about what films or albums inspired you is an even shitter use of the internet than MySpace.

Hey, Jesus, wanna come to my barbecue this afternoon? newsthump.com/2020/04/12/jes…

I'm seeing a lot of idle hands out there at the moment. Does anyone need any self isolation tips? #CoronavirusOutbreak

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary 661 years till the big one!

What's scarier? Trick or Treaters on your doorstep or JWs? #halloween2019