Squimothy loves a good sun sploot.

Polymarket on if I can convince @markjaquith to keep him forever

My dear spouse, three beers deep while we’re at a sports bar and some nerd shit is just announced: “NO LIKE THIS IS HUGE. IT’S DOCKER FOR MAC.”

Invited dev husband to new repo in GH for house projects. LOL he's toast. Don't know why it took me ten years to figure this out. +Issue +Issue +Issue

Spouse and I pulled up to a restaurant. I saw our adult daughter’s car in the parking lot. I said “let’s pretend to not see her so she can decide if she wants to say hi or not; I’m not trying to interrupt her night.” I got out the car and she was already running at me through the parking lot screaming MAMAAAAAA *while* FaceTiming me. 🥹🥹🥰🥰

I’m pretty proud of myself because two years ago I was mortified of snakes. But I forced myself to learn lots about them as exposure therapy. And today I found a sick pet ball python dumped in the woods, and picked him up and got him to a rehabber.

Damn he knows me too well :c

They have 20 acres but they want to hang out with me.

Pretend you’re having coffee and looking out at the foggy farm. Nothing is broken (yet), you’re not covered in mud (yet), and you’re looking at the ghosts of oaks.

When my spouse says he got me a fun gift I am scared, but not because he’s bad at gifts. It’s because I am scared of fun.

You might see this and think it is idyllic, peaceful. You would be wrong. This is a 1,200 pound toddler metaphorically fighting naptime.

In your 40’s you will find yourself having crazy Saturdays like this one where you babysit your grandkitten

The hottest my husband has ever been was when I asked him to translate President Bartlet’s Latin rant at God in Two Cathedrals as Bartlet spoke it, and he did 🥵

I think about the heated seats in my previous car in the way that movies portray someone thinking about “the one that got away”

The Robinson Effect: wherein my husband spends a lot of time watching The Chair Company and then just acts weird af for a few days

You: accountant Friend: not accountant, gets hung up on by the IRS

“It’s available to stream on Fubo, Sporkle, or Yammit.” “Never say any of those words to me again.”

In order to live more like my role model, Leo Thomas McGarry, I've spent the last year raising my cholesterol to slightly unhealthy levels