i'll be your golden sunshine, forever and always.
iwaizumi “rui“ tooru
及. he/him
川. oa i…
Joined October 2021
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rui retweeted
#iwaoi hajime visiting tooru in san juan for the first time since they went their separate ways overseas, and seeing tooru in the flesh again feels like a punch to hajime’s guts. sun-drenched tooru, whose face lights up with the brightest grin hajime has ever seen when he spots
why does asking for more always makes me feel like i'm being too much? why does it make me feel like i am not allowed to make space, to exist, to be me.
to be loved is to be known.
and for the longest time i thought that i was known by the people that i loved, but i was wrong.
all they did was accept everything at face value, without going as far as studying me.
they didn't know the way i cry when everything's too much, or how my voice cracks as i hold it in, they didn't know how i strive to be perfect, they didn't know how i feared abandonment that it rings in my bones.
rui retweeted
iwaoi is the type of couple that uses the smooch currency like
iwa: lets go out for ramen
tooru: but i’m lazy-
iwa: i’ll give you 3 kisses.
tooru, whining: only 3??? that’s so cheap of you iwa chan
iwa: 5 kisses and a cuddle session
tooru: deal.
trying is scary.
putting yourself out there is terrifying.
restoring your faith in love is bone-rattling.
but all it takes is one step.
i want to be loved, and held, and assured but i have learned to carry the weight of my own feelings for a long time that surrendering my heart and my armor feels close to impossible; if i tell you i am falling will you be there to catch me?
i want to swallow my heart at times, hold back my tongue, and dry out my tears. although i know that the bottle will burst eventually, all of the ugly that i try to hide away from your eyes will soon reveal itself.
i used to think that i was great at running away from my feelings, that i am an expert at burying what i feel deep inside of me; little did i know i leave a trail of debris every single time.
no one prepares you for what happens when everything ends, because we are all dreamers here that hope we find forever in our person. but there are times that dreams remain as they are as you watch them walk away from everything, and you are left with no choice but to move forward
i keep your message open despite the indication that it has been weeks since we last talked. maybe one of these days you will find the energy to drop by and say hi, and maybe ask how i've been for the past few weeks that you have stopped talking to me.
