Cuppy (@runawaycupcake) profile picture

Cuppy

@runawaycupcake

World Record Holder for Fastest Set of Kegels.

favstar.fm/users/runawaycupcake
Joined October 2008
  • Tweets31.4K
  • Following617
  • Followers3.3K
29Media
Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)Photo by Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)
My husband is picking out meat like he’s choosing a wife.
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Me: in bed, surrounded by family and friends, taking final breaths before I die Son: I CAN’T FIND THE REMOTE
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Thinking of getting a half dozen rather than a dozen donuts for breakfast tomorrow because dieting.
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Every time I like a deleted post, I feel like Charlie Brown when Lucy pulls the football away.
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Before the Republican talking heads chalk this up to “Chicago violence”: Highland Park is 30 miles north of Chicago. It’s also one of the most affluent suburbs and has a non existent crime rate This is not a Chicago problem, it’s an America problem. Happy 4th! – at Manhattan, NY
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It’s none of my business but some of my coworkers didn’t drink any water today. Maybe I should mix water into all their foods just to be safe
An orange cat is sitting down with an alert expression. He is staring kindly but blankly into the camera

ALT An orange cat is sitting down with an alert expression. He is staring kindly but blankly into the camera

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My autobiography will be called "Barely Repressed Anger." Oh? You don't want to buy it? Your choice. I'm fine. Really, it's okay.
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I was going to be a "seat filler" at the Oscars, but they wouldn't meet my lumbar support requirements, so I walked.
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Thinking of starting a clothing line called “Complicated Grief.” It’s just bathrobes.
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Putin now trying to exchange rubles for Kohl's Cash.
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I just spent an hour in the grocery store and 45 minutes of that was trying to open a produce bag
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Of course I work out. Right now I'm working out how I can fit more ice cream in the freezer.
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Scientists didn't actually confirm that "a body at rest tends to stay at rest" until the La-Z-Boy recliner was invented.
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Me: My credit score is 800. Loan Officer: Congrats on that, but we're using Wordle scores now.
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“Butt at what cost? BUTT AT WHAT COST?!” - me at the broken self checkout trying to buy hemorrhoid wipes
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My dentist's office is in a tree, which is pretty peculiar, but not as peculiar as him doing most of the dentistry with his beak.
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Jeff Bezos: Alexa, jettison the first stage booster rocket. Alexa: I cannot find a device named "Rooster."
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When you’ve been patiently waiting for GrubHub to arrive…
Image from Cuppy (@runawaycupcake)
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I am extremely patient as long as you hurry the fuck up.
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