the Office. Slytherin. Puns. Mental Health Survivor. Mouth Like a Sailor. True Crime Gang.

Oklahoma, USA
Joined March 2019
I don’t know why my brain does this. Lobotomize me, already.
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Instead of drinking today I made this. (It’s infused apple cobbler w/strawberry cheesecake on top.) I’m proud of me today.
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I kinda wanna Sunday Funday this bitch.
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MurderFloat retweeted
“everyone gets a plate before you can have seconds” but for housing
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A brand new box of beautiful cones for some prerolls. It’s a good Friday, team.
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My heart is hurting today.
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MurderFloat retweeted
How to pronounce acetaminophen: ree-LEESE thuh EPP-steen FYLES
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Just found a new route for my morning that avoids all school zones and speed humps. I also got to work 26 mins early. It’s a good day.
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MurderFloat retweeted
Autism was first identified in 1911. Tylenol was introduced in 1950. Don't listen to the guy with the brainworm. Release the Epstein Files.
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For Clarification - The President of the United States is a 34 time Convicted Felon who’s in the Epstein Files. The First Lady is a former Prostitute/mail order bride/Mistress who fucked Epstein. The Vice President is a Crack Baby who’s changed his name 3 times, And wears more make up and eye liner than RuPaul. The Secretary of Defense is an Adulterer, Rapist and a raging alcoholic. The Secretary of Homeland Security is an Adulterer and puppy killer. The Secretary of Health is a Heroin addict whose brain was eaten by a fucking parasite. And…. The Secretary of Education couldn’t pass a fucking 3rd grade spelling and grammar test. The worst part… There’s a lot more shit that I missed. Are we Great Again?
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no ifs no buts no maybes
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MurderFloat retweeted
stop stressing, you silly little bitch. you have a good heart, a nice ass, and a kind soul. the universe is on your side. you’re going to be just fine.
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Headaches that make you throw up.
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I’m feeling very _____. That’s all.
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alchemy baby
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they arrested a guy who threw a sandwich at the miltarized cops in dc. cops in america are the softest, scaredest, diaper-babiest human beings in the world.
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If baking a cake for a gay couple is endorsing homosexuality, then voting for a pedophile and rapist is endorsing pedophilia and rape
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Things I beleive: - Trump faked both assassination attempts. - Trump/Musk/Theil stole the election - Trump isn't just on the Epstein client list; he helped curate it - Trump had Epstein killed - Trump had Ivana killed - Trump is a pedophile
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