Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity) header
Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity) profile picture

just out here waiting for the aliens to beam me up

Joined July 2017
Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)Photo by Rachel Schmitz (@rschmity)
My roommates hate my shower curtain (cause they're uncultured) and want to get rid of it but 1500 likes and it gets to stay pls help Nigel live forever
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Happy 5 year anniversary of THE tweet
My roommates hate my shower curtain (cause they're uncultured) and want to get rid of it but 1500 likes and it gets to stay pls help Nigel live forever
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I once was offered multiple available times to schedule my dentist appointment, with 2:30 being one of them. It was by far the most inconvenient out of the choices for my schedule but I had to do it for the culture.
My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream I’ve been striving to reach for 46 years.
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Today I brought my own cup to my fav coffee shop as usual but I had forgotten to rinse it out after it had sat in my car over the weekend and upon sipping my latte I got a mouthful of curdled milk and it just goes to show it rlly do be the consequences of your own actions
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Good morning and happy Sunday to everyone except the person who coined the phrase “Okie dokie artichokie!”. What the fuck is that shit.
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My jump rope whipped me during my workout today…maybe this Valentine’s Day wasn’t a bust after all
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Wordle 228 1/6 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Today is my day
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One thing I love about being old is doing a group activity with your friends who are also old and bonding over all the ways it made you sore the next day
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rschmity
We’re giving out a terrifying $10,000 today. RT this with your Venmo handle—if you dare. 😈 We might send you $100, $250, or $500. #VenmoMe Must follow @Venmo. No purch nec. Ends 10/27. US only, 18+. Venmo acct req’d. Rules: venmo.me/vm
I love shopping at target but I would sooner die than to be caught at target in clothes that I bought from target that shit is so embarrassing 😩
We’re nearly halfway through September and I haven’t bought a single pair of boots yet where’s my gold star
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You shouldn’t have to be someone or bring someone with you that knows about cars to the mechanic in order to get good service at an honest price. We live in a society.
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How do I turn of my “binge this show until the characters you’ve been shipping finally kiss “ gene
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the entire state of wisconsin tomorrow
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In the song Freaky Friday, it ends with Lil Dicky in Kendall Jenner’s body, which means that theoretically Lil Dicky is still in Kendall Jenner’s body. Which means that theoretically Devin Booker is actually dating Lil Dicky. Is Devin Booker a homosexual?… (1/65)
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Bruh my coworker is quitting soon and today I was like “I call your office when you leave” as in I want dibs on his office but he took it as like I call him on the phone when he’s not there and he was so concerned he was like “what do you mean” and I can’t stop thinking ab it
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Other peoples’ biggest fear about driving: crashing and dying Me, an intellectual: absolutely terrified to get stuck behind a school bus and get unknowingly bullied by the cool kids in the back
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If my future husband ever proposes to me on top of a mountain with no one but a camera person around I will literally say no…I love attention bitch there better be enough people for a proper APPLAUSE
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Ok…I’m hoping this is a stupid question but…Do y’all keep your eyes open or closed when you’re getting your teeth cleaned at the dentist?
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26 votes • Final results
You could stick the ugliest motherfucker you’ve ever seen on a motorcycle and they will think they are the epitome of sex appeal and I think that’s beautiful
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