An alpha male should eat like a king. When planning a nice dinner out with the guys after a vigorous foursome, I like to call the restaurant ahead of time to lay down a few ground rules and ensure the establishment lives up to my standards. Once I get through to a manager, I outline my expectations. – I'll be a party of four but will require a table for six. Alpha males sit with their legs spread wide apart and need space to do so. – What are the political leanings of the restauranteur? I only dine at pro-Trump establishments. – The menu must be expansive. You can never predict the cravings that come after a foursome with the boys. – Plastic straws only, no paper. – No vegan options. If they offer vegan options, I hang up the phone. – I will need access to the kitchen so I can ensure the ingredients are high quality, and the kitchen is clean. – No freezers onsite. I like my food FRESH. – Sparkling water. No sparkling water, no Nick Adams. Some might say this is overkill, but I disagree entirely. Standards are important. I make no apology for demanding excellence in all aspects of my life. An alpha male always cares about the details.

I was at the beach this morning when I emerged from the sea to hear my name being called out. I was dripping like a Greek god and looked up to see a fetching young woman in an American flag bikini sprinting toward me. Even from a distance, she said she recognized me from my recent photo with President Trump. She couldn’t keep her hands off me as we began to discuss the 2024 race, but I noticed something was off about her. I stepped back and asked her point blank if she was still standing strong with The President. She paused and sheepishly told me she was undecided but liked what Nikki Haley had to say. I told her Nick Adams requires unequivocal support for President Trump from all women in his orbit and left her in stunned silence. I don’t enjoy breaking hearts, but sometimes it must be done. As an alpha male, I have not only the right but the OBLIGATION to never compromise.