Please let’s normalize bed rotting on Saturday and Sunday .. you work hard all week.

My problem is that as soon as it starts raining, I feel like the day should be canceled.

I'm at the point where if a mysterious portal opened up near me I wouldn't even hesitate to enter it

"What's a toxic trait you have?" Me: I tend to eat the other person's fries on the way home and I keep the one that is full.

"u already told me that" God forbid i have a little dementia

"Out for Delivery" just isn't enough. I need to know what street you on

When it's only Tuesday & you're already out of patience for the week

Every time I turn around it's time to go to work 😩 Just went to bed. GOT DAMNN

I don't understand why people have to "get ready for bed". I am always ready for bed.

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I'm just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

I try to like people, but I just don’t

For Halloween I’m going to be emotionally stable. No one’s gonna know it’s me

October, November, December be feeling like Friday, Saturday, Sunday of the year

Everyday I see why Michael Myers stopped talking and started acting like that

Oh it’s Halloween season? I’ve been scared all year I didn’t really notice

Sorry if I ghost you, I’m just getting into the Halloween spirit

I carry sarcasm around like house keys, don't ask me nothing dumb

One thing about me is i don't remember

Let's call it a year guys. It's enough now. Merry Christmas.

I'm getting old... all l do is check my email, my bank account, and the weather 🤣