Jarvis Cocker sex tip #889: on St. Patrick's day, sleep with your friends' and/or enemies' wives to make them 'green' with envy.

Be on the lookout for my sex tips compilation: "50 Shades of Tweed"

Few people know that Liam Gallagher's greatest talent is his ability to simultaneously rub his stomach and pat his head. Good lad, Liam.

If Bernard Butler releases a solo album, but no one bothers to buy it, does it make a sound?

FACT: Henry Hoover is the bastard love child of Nicky Wire and a regular Hoover

MY idea was to make a very different sort of "pulp film". I've got loads of old tapes that would have been perfect for it...

Keanu Reeves once moonlit as an alternate lead singer for Primal Scream when Bobby Gillespie was too coked up to perform.

Happy birthday to Steve Mackey who says he's 47 today but is really 74. Hides his age well, doesn't he?

You may have heard I'll be performing with Beck again. Please be sure to bring your Becktionary for helpful reference.

Steve Mackey's favourite sweets are Parma violets. Similarly, Hannibal Lecter's favourite sweets are Palma Violets.

Fact: Several species of birds migrate home to Morrissey's quiff each year to lay their eggs.

Some time in the 90's, Bobby Gillespie's blood was replaced entirely with heroin, which now acts as an anti-aging preservative.

In addition to being Jason Pierce's alias, J. Spaceman is what Jas Mann prefers to be called in bed.

Steve Mackey took his hairstyle inspiration circa Different Class from Gary Oldman's character in The Fifth Element.

Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.

Jarvis Cocker sex tip #128: Don't stop 'til the train has pulled into the station.

Fact: Les Misérables is also what Morrissey calls his penis.

Kevin Shields said he'd pay me back the hundred quid he owed me by the end of 1996. Guess who still owes me a hundred quid? #justsaying

You can still send me a gift if you like, though.

I would like to remind everyone that even though we share the same initials, Christmas is not my birthday.