The good thing g about the washing machine is how they made an incentive to get your clothes out of it, with the clothes being wet after the cycle and all. They fucked up in making the dryer because there’s no incentive like that

My roommates when they go out for the night & nobody else is home

Insane to think that the kind god who invented water chestnuts and the sick bastard who allowed man to invent hormonal birth control are one and the same

When other r people sleep it looks like sawin’ logs in their head but when I sleep it looks like slicing a perfect tomato with a knife made of glass

me every time i walk into carrabba’s

DONT want to book another tour for my band but DO want an excuse to spend 5 hours making a rubber band ball in the back of a minivan

Starting a job I’ve been trying to get for months in a couple days who wants to come over and slam my arm in a door so it breaks

I love when my friends play pickup sports unless it is frisbee, in which case it is clearly a ploy to exclude & alienate women

I would pay probably like 85 bucks to just know what my face is shaped like

muttering “i dont have to like it, i just have to eat it” to myself as the lunch bell tolls and i drag my feet to the leftover gnocchi bolognese sitting in my car

Me when I’m home alone bc it was my idea: 😌 so in tune with myself 🪴✨😌 Me when I’m forced to be home bc I’m sick: if someone doesn’t hang out with me in the next hour I’m gonna figure out how to turn my skin inside out

40 something year old coworker at my manual labor job just said the word “drkmttr” to me…..

Sometimes food should be simple. 3 or 4 ingredientd

Every white man has a reference playlist for figuring out what a new room sounds like before he records or mixes in it and they’re all unique and different like stars <3

As opposed to being a career-driven person im more of a hanger outer who loves chilling and connecting meaningfully with my friends. and that’s fine