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I’m Porter and you’re listening

Los Angeles, CA
Joined June 2016
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The minute I’m alerted a man is shopping my instacart order, I know my day will be ruined.
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Had to get two prescriptions in London today and was so confused as to why they didn’t ask for proof of insurance and it only cost like $20 but then I remembered as Americans we all live in hell and you shouldn’t have to pay an arm and a leg to keep your arms and legs
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My Ken’s job is podcast. He loves to talk to his friends while simultaneously fan girling over them and their bands. It makes him so happy to exaggerate his stories to seem more interesting. He’s so cute!
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I confidently asked if Big Ben was one specific red double decker bus or all of them and now I will never live this down in the eyes of my coworkers
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Taylor Swift is better than me because by now I would’ve made ME! the surprise song just to see the crowd reaction
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It’s really toxic to be reading menus in England following that viral tik tok sound cuz I just keep going “a baked…? A baked bean?!?!” And only making myself laugh
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If one more female artist I tried to push blows up again, I might just have to blow myself up
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Last night my boyfriend discovered (after over a year) that I had vacuum bagged half his tshirts and he was like “I was wondering why I didn’t have that many”….this man has 6 drawers designated to tshirts…..what does he mean “that many”?!
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My body is kinda like my little sister in the sense that I can bully it but if you do I will literally murder you
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Having photographic memory is wild cuz when the 2008 Super Bowl is mentioned I’m like “oh the year w/ the giants & patriots” cuz I remember texting for my dad & saw the 2/3/08 timestamp & seeing giants & patriots cakes at the store when I gave it back but idk what I did yesterday
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Older generations love to talk down on the younger ones for “not knowing cursive or how to write a check” as if they didn’t hand write checks in cursive to the politicians who dictated public education curriculum for us but can’t even “work” facetime
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The year is 2023, I am 27 years old, and my legs are covered in dark bruises from jumping over the barricade between lawn and seats at a fall out boy show…it’s giving 2014 when I snuck all the up to third row before being literally carried out by security to Saturday
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Which if you think about it was a total W cuz I was third row for $25 for half of the set and then got a VIP escort out at the end
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It’s wild that trump supporters are so stupid that they will only back him more for being arrested by the government he’s running to be a part of
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Porter meaning someone who carries your baggage and Rivet being something that holds things down couldn’t make up a better name for me
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Cynical (AH!) is sending me
Very cool to see @travisbarker record vocals! 🎤 Fun fact: Travis provides vocals on the following tracks ⬇️ Down (this can’t be the end, you did this) Obvious (yeah yeah in the verses) Cynical (AH!) Built This Pool (Is that really it?) Quarantine (backing vocals in the bridge)
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Unfortunately the time has come when I’m seeing all my college classmates graduate medical school…I dropped out of pre-med but at least my little cousins think my job is really cool
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Whats the mental illness where you grew up obsessed with the show Lost & have always wanted to crash on a desert island even though the show was literally a drama & nobody was having a good time on the island but all you think of is how nice it would be to not deal with society?
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I would literally get my ass beat every day by the smoke monster if it meant never answering another email
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