comedy. pr. office furniture model

Chicago, IL
Joined March 2009
The best way to sum up the difference between my wife and I is she gets 3 boxes a day from Amazon and I finally bought mesh shorts after two years of toying with the idea.
2
3
17
Found the culprit.
29
I won’t be watching the UFC thing tonight but I assume it will feature Andrew Tate singing “Happy Birthday Mr. President” in a codpiece. #UFCFreedom250
1
2
101
WH secretary: Mr President, there’s a man outside who says you’re the worst person in the history of mankind. Trump: Have him killed. WH secretary: now he says he was just joking & thinks you’re very smart. Trump: Give him a billion dollars & name a planet after him.
30
Now that he’s a trillionaire Elon should go full Genghis Khan and sire 87,000 children. He can name each one after the digits in Pi.
40
I wonder if George Santos will get reinstated in the Baruch College Volleyball Hall of Fame?
54
Everyone always gives our military leaders credit for staying out of politics but let’s also not forget the restraint they showed today by not making the jerk off motion the entire time Pete Hegseth spoke to them.
63
I don’t know if Tylenol causes autism but I do know that listening to medical advice from a former reality show host makes you dumb.
1
48
I’m still not watching Fallon
42
Not sure what was crazier - the guy on my flight to Vegas who kept telling his kids that Lake Mead was Lake Tahoe, or the guy in baggage claim asking me how to tell which luggage was his.
1
59
phil davidson retweeted
With great sadness, we share that Ryne Sandberg has passed away today.
3,137
10,426
5,887
51,284
28,719,254
I’m fine with adversaries cosplaying nuclear war. More of this please.
55
How is Trump’s My Super Sweet 16 party going?
61
In English class we learned English. In Math class we learned Math. In Science class we learned Science. In Gym class we learned Gym.
57
I’m just glad all these Pope memes reference Chicago’s hot dogs & pizza and not our murder & corruption
1
121
Hell yeah new Pope. Work your magic. #PopeLeoXIV #Bears🙏
121
phil davidson retweeted
Paul was a sweet, dear comedic genius, and it’s unfathomable that he’s no longer with us. I’m so glad that his spirit lives on in this @StreamOnMax documentary“Pee-wee as Himself.”
131
406
30
6,875
440,736
I like how people who used to call smoking weed ‘toking up’ now eat gummies by the handful
48
Goodell hugging the draft picks a little too long. #NFLDraft
1
208