>be Margaret Sanger >dad is a socialist stonecutter, the "village atheist" >age 9, sick with typhoid, barely conscious >wake up with dad pressed against me in bed >sense of falling >later call it my first "sex awakening" >little brother Henry dies at 4 >dad takes me to the cemetery at midnight >digs up the body >makes a plaster death mask of his head and shoulders, lock of hair set in the plaster >gift for mom >grow up, marry Bill Sanger >Greenwich Village, Wobblies, anarchists, Goldman, Big Bill Haywood >start a paper called The Woman Rebel > "No gods, no masters" >Post Office says it's unmailable >1914, get indicted >flee to England via Canada, leave the kids behind >once out at sea, wire my people to release 100,000 copies of my illegal contraception manual >London, Christmas Eve 1914 >meet Havelock Ellis >tall, white beard, looks like an Old Testament prophet >turns out he's a literal piss magician >has a urine fetish >names it "undinism," after Undina, the water spirit of Paracelcian alchemy >his motto is "Do What Thou Wilt" >40 years before Crowley >ran Britain's first peyote trip on Good Friday >gave some to Yeats from the Golden Dawn >"an orgy of vision" >impotent >talked his wife into lesbianism >gets off on making her describe it >she's off on a lecture tour, lecturing on homosexuality >perfect time to get close >meet him every day in the British Museum reading room so he can tell me what to think >I call him "the Olympian" >and "the King" >"I have never felt about any person as I do about Havelock Ellis" >he writes to his wife about us >her mental collapse becomes complete >dies >he tells me to tone down the revolutionary talk >1915, come home >my daughter Peggy dies of pneumonia >keep hearing her limping footsteps >Havelock introduces me to Rosicrucianism >says science and mysticism aren't in conflict >start seeing psychics and theosophists >tell a friend I can talk to Peggy now >1916, open the first birth control clinic in Brooklyn >arrested again >1920, back to England >Sussex, the Wantley circle >"a revolving interlocking circle of intimacies" >affair with Hugh de Sélincourt, Havelock's disciple >also his wife Janet >also H.G. Wells, who wants me "in the costume of a tropical island" >also Harold Child >tell Hugh "I don't believe in that institution particularly – do we?" >"I shall marry for wealth some day soon" >marry Noah Slee, oil millionaire >write Noah love letters from London while sleeping with Wells and Child >from his estate write Hugh de Sélincourt: "If only I could fly by night to London to see you & Havelock & Harold — I'd be ready to say this is paradise" >write Woman and the New Race >from the fruitful womb "a Jesus who will not die upon the cross" >abortion is "the efforts of the feminine spirit to liberate itself" >the woman on the abortionist's table "is not a criminal but a martyr" >write The Pivot of Civilization >"Through sex, mankind may attain the great spiritual illumination which will transform the world" >sex can "transmute and sublimate the everyday world" >every February issue of my 'Birth Control Review' is tributes to Havelock >pay his girlfriend's salary >buy him a country house >25 years of devotion >1939, he dies >his autobiography comes out >I'm a "mildly intimate friendship" >mfw the piss wizard friendzoned me posthumously