A 22-year-old young lady came to my DM yesterday to complain about her 4-year-relationship with her 28-year-old boyfriend. Her major concerns were that he has been cheating many times on her. After reading all that she wrote, she then told me that her boyfriend is also a follower and he was the one who introduced her to the page and she has been using the teachings to improve herself and the relationship. So I asked her to give me his handle. She didn't hesitate. Then I copied her message to me and sent to her boyfriend. "Hello, this is from your girlfriend. Would you like to say something about it?" He read all that she wrote and told me that all that she told me was the truth. He then acknowledged that those times that he cheated were moments of weakness. He apologized and said that he would do better and still wishes to continue the relationship. Then I advised him on what to do. I went back to his girlfriend and advised her to continue her relationship with him and that she should stop snooping on his phones if she wants peace for herself. For me, if cheating is a deal breaker for any young lady, I believe they will walk away from the relationship. When I advised her to continue with the relationship, she was happy and she thanked me. AJD.

In the morning she called and apologized because he had blocked her everywhere. When he later asked about her husband and home, she said everything was settled and they were fine. He still doesn’t know how she covered up the scandal, and it confirmed for him that some men will forgive cheating if no one else finds out. The next week she called saying she wasn’t feeling well and needed to see a doctor. He sent her money. At the hospital she discovered she was three weeks pregnant; the same period they had met, but they had only done oral, no penetrative sex. She asked if he was angry. He said no; he was just happy someone was coming who might help keep her marriage intact. After that he tried to keep distance, though they lived near each other and she kept finding ways to reach out. She frequently asked for small money (₦5k here and there) and he gave when he could. She gave birth this year. After the birth she still invited him to her husband’s house for the baby’s dedication; he refused to go. When she heard he had broken up with his girlfriend, she called and said she was looking for a place to stay because she wanted to leave her husband’s house. He told her plainly that she should leave when she gets the chance, because the husband might either be extremely naive or planning something bad for her. He eventually moved out of the area because of her. As of when he shared the story, the couple was still together and she was still running the pimping business. The story was shared in the context of marrying under 25 and the “yahoo” lifestyle effect, the flashy appearances, hidden double lives, and the damage that can follow. AJD.

A married man is angry with his wife and wants to make a decision. Three years ago, he was in a financial mess and in debt due to some failed business deals. He had to sell their only car to pay off some of the debt. When his brothers-in-law got to know about his ordeals, they were not happy with the situation. So they rallied to support him and bought another car for him. He decided to set aside the business and started driving for Bolt/Uber with the car. Through it, he was able to clear his debt and continued providing for his family. They have two children. Last Sunday, he was having a quarrel with his wife over an undisclosed issue. Then he said, "I am the head of this home. I am grateful to God that I have good in-laws too, but I will not watch you disrespect me. I provide for you and the children the best I can." Then his wife responded in a very rude way: "Who would you have become if not for my brothers? Don't you also have brothers? What did they do for you?" He said that he felt so cold after hearing what his wife said to him and that he now feels sudden hatred toward her. He doesn't want to report her to her brothers, but he is no longer seeing his wife the same way. He said that he cried that Sunday night because after she said that, he just left the house for a bar, where he cried in silence. What is still painful to him is that his wife has still not apologized for what she said, and is going about her business like she did nothing. He wants to quietly walk away from the marriage and go start his life somewhere else. He will leave the car with her and abandon them to their fate. He doesn't feel the need to keep pushing for his family anymore because his wife has killed the man in him. What would you advise him to do? AJD.